On July 4th Hans and I decided to take Gigi to a parade. We had recently had a great time at the Memorial Day parade that ran the same route: a marching band, some uncoordinated majorettes, girls scouts and old dudes in cars, easy parking and in and out in 45 minutes! I stupidly assumed the July 4th parade would be the same. BIG MISTAKE- HUGE.
There were hundreds of people, parking was miles away, it was 900 degrees and although the parade was supposed to start at 10, by 11:30 all we had seen was LITERALLY 60 fire trucks drive by with their sirens blaring and horns honking followed by a bunch of suck-faces on noisy motorcycles chucking smarties into the crowd. You can imagine how easy it is to manage a nine month old on your lap while trying to protect her virtually virgin eardrums by sticking your fingers in her ears.
I took a break with my mom and sis and ventured into the 7-11 to get snacks and drinks (thinking I would be home in 45 minutes, I had skipped breakfast). The checkout line snaked through the store and as we made our way to the front, I saw a vision from my childhood. A slush puppy machine! Not a slush machine, not a snow cone machine, a slush puppy machine. The one with the logo of the dog in the snow hat, do you know it? It rules doesn't it? Yes it does. I decided to get one, a cherry one, my favorite which I had not had since i was........12. I told my mom and sis to tell the lady at the counter that i was getting a large slush puppy, so charge us for it and then went to get in line for a slush puppy.
Some dumb kids got in my way as I bee-lined it for the slush puppy machine and I got stuck behind a soccer dad who was getting slush puppies for the 7 kids that were with him. I waited impatiently as each child hummed and hawwed, trying to decide what flavor or disgusting combination of flavors they wanted. I strategically scooted in front of some other kids and their mom who arrived excited for a slush puppy and must of thought i was standing in line for my health because they tried to cut in front of me. I DON'T THINK SO!
Finally it was my turn. I filled my cup with sweet cherry syrup goodness and as I filled the cup with slush it splashed out and stained my brand new shirt. I was only slightly upset, so I had only worn this shirt for a total of 2 hours in hot sweaty parade hell before it was stained, the upside was, MY SLUSH PUPPY!
Mom, Sis and I regrouped by the front door and decided it was time to go home because clearly this parade stunk it up big time. We made our way back to the Hans and Gigi and started to pack up. I took my first delicious sip of slush puppy and was transported back to my carefree youth, to a time when i would spend hours at a hot sucky parade, I wouldn't even notice my parade neighbors' poor parenting skills as they threatened to smack their kids while sucking on a Marlboro Light (aka slut butt). This flash of youth must have been what deluded me into thinking we should stay a little longer as I heard the sound of what I thought was the marching band, aka the arrival of the real parade.
I put my slush puppy on the ground next to the stroller, grabbed Gigi and pushed our way to the front, just in time to see a gaggle of local politicians strolling by, waving and chucking smarties into the crowd, with the big finish of one of their teenage son's crappy garage band rocking out on the back of a pick up truck.
What a suck parade. Deflated, I made my way through the crowd to tell everyone it was time to go. As i emerged from the masses, I saw what can only be described as a living nightmare. It felt like slow motion, Hans, his smiling face, in his right hand my slush puppy, slowly he brought the straw to his mouth, he sucked, but nothing really came up, just the gurgling sounds of an empty cup- it was like rubbing lemon on a paper cut, shoving my face in the mud.
Hans drank my entire slush puppy. What a douche.
Happy Frickin Birthday USA.
I took a break with my mom and sis and ventured into the 7-11 to get snacks and drinks (thinking I would be home in 45 minutes, I had skipped breakfast). The checkout line snaked through the store and as we made our way to the front, I saw a vision from my childhood. A slush puppy machine! Not a slush machine, not a snow cone machine, a slush puppy machine. The one with the logo of the dog in the snow hat, do you know it? It rules doesn't it? Yes it does. I decided to get one, a cherry one, my favorite which I had not had since i was........12. I told my mom and sis to tell the lady at the counter that i was getting a large slush puppy, so charge us for it and then went to get in line for a slush puppy.
Some dumb kids got in my way as I bee-lined it for the slush puppy machine and I got stuck behind a soccer dad who was getting slush puppies for the 7 kids that were with him. I waited impatiently as each child hummed and hawwed, trying to decide what flavor or disgusting combination of flavors they wanted. I strategically scooted in front of some other kids and their mom who arrived excited for a slush puppy and must of thought i was standing in line for my health because they tried to cut in front of me. I DON'T THINK SO!
Finally it was my turn. I filled my cup with sweet cherry syrup goodness and as I filled the cup with slush it splashed out and stained my brand new shirt. I was only slightly upset, so I had only worn this shirt for a total of 2 hours in hot sweaty parade hell before it was stained, the upside was, MY SLUSH PUPPY!
Mom, Sis and I regrouped by the front door and decided it was time to go home because clearly this parade stunk it up big time. We made our way back to the Hans and Gigi and started to pack up. I took my first delicious sip of slush puppy and was transported back to my carefree youth, to a time when i would spend hours at a hot sucky parade, I wouldn't even notice my parade neighbors' poor parenting skills as they threatened to smack their kids while sucking on a Marlboro Light (aka slut butt). This flash of youth must have been what deluded me into thinking we should stay a little longer as I heard the sound of what I thought was the marching band, aka the arrival of the real parade.
I put my slush puppy on the ground next to the stroller, grabbed Gigi and pushed our way to the front, just in time to see a gaggle of local politicians strolling by, waving and chucking smarties into the crowd, with the big finish of one of their teenage son's crappy garage band rocking out on the back of a pick up truck.
What a suck parade. Deflated, I made my way through the crowd to tell everyone it was time to go. As i emerged from the masses, I saw what can only be described as a living nightmare. It felt like slow motion, Hans, his smiling face, in his right hand my slush puppy, slowly he brought the straw to his mouth, he sucked, but nothing really came up, just the gurgling sounds of an empty cup- it was like rubbing lemon on a paper cut, shoving my face in the mud.
Hans drank my entire slush puppy. What a douche.
Happy Frickin Birthday USA.
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