Reduce, Reuse, Re-Drive Me Crazy

I grew up poor. Not living in our station wagon poor (that is a serious matter, have you seen that commercial? double ugh)- but having hydrox instead of oreos, and never seeing a Q-tip until i got to college because they were an extravagance that didn't make it into the shopping cart.

Thus I grew up treating paper towels like gold. Towels that you use once and throw away? What a strange concept- then you need to buy more? Why not just use real towels and wash them when you are done? Like the pilgrims and the pioneers?

This is why my darling husband, Hans, and I have inherently different feelings about the proper use of a paper towel. I did not know about this or his intensely annoying paper towel habits until after we moved in together, and by that point it was too late, because i REALLY HATE MOVING- so i wasn't going to do it again.

Here I was, stuck in a tiny apartment, with a crazy man who suffered from a major paper towel dysfunction that presents itself in the following manner.
1. Hans uses a new paper towel to dry his hands every time he washes his hands (this happens very often due to slight OCD).
2. Hans refuses to throw the damp paper towels away, but rather leaves them on the counter or the table or the couch, or the bedside table, or the ottoman, or the mantle, or on the stove on top of a pilot light (i particularly like that one) because he intends to "use it again later."

If you read numbers 1 and 2 above very closely, you will see the paradox inherent in this plan. Why, if Hans intends to reuse the paper towel, does he then use a new one the next time he washes his hands? In theory, if he truly intended to reuse this paper towel, then there wouldn't be 10 crumpled, damp paper towels within a two foot radius from wherever he is standing at any moment.

Not only is this dysfunction incredibly annoying and messy, it is also wasteful. As an adult, I am luckier than my mother was at my age, in that I can afford q-tips and paper towels, however that doesn't mean that i flagrantly misuse and abuse them! I tried explaining to Hans that every time he used a paper towel to dry his hands he was wasting 2 cents. That had very little impact- perhaps understandably. Hans feels like he has an abundance of pennies, which I know to be true because i find them often on the floor and on every surface around my house and in Hans' car (but never in the change jar.....I digress). So I tried I different approach.

I got Hans his very own hand towel, to be used ONLY for drying HIS hands, it even had his name, Hans, lovingly embroidered on it in a masculine thread color. When I gave it to him, he looked at me like i was insane, what on earth was he going to use this for? To dry your FREAKING HANDS AND STOP LEAVING PAPER TOWELS ALL OVER MY HOUSE THAT YOU NEVER USE AGAIN.

"I don't use them because you throw them away before i get to."
"What do you plan on using them for?" I ask.
"To clean the house," he answers.
I don't think i need to explain the irony there.