Dishwasher - Half-Full or Half-Empty?

My New Communication Approach- Flow Charts

Earlier this week, I asked Hans to empty and fill the dishwasher while I put Gigi to sleep. As usual he told me he would "do it later."

I decided to choose my battles and let it go. I also decided that I would not remind Hans of his promise to "do it later," as I often do. Some may call this nagging, but I call it a necessity because Hans has hopeless ADD and literally forgets everything. It is not at all annoying. But reminding him gives him the out to say "Jeez, I am going to do it, stop nagging me," which leaves me with nary a leg to stand on!

Hours later as we headed to bed I stood in the kitchen looking at the clean, un-emptied dishwasher and sink full of dishes with a sad sad face.

"I will do it before I go to work in the morning," he said. This is a common promise in my life.

The next morning I rushed around getting myself and Gigi out of door to daycare and work, leaving Hans at home in his bathrobe on his laptop (because he gets to leave later than me) with a reminder to DO THE FREAKING DISHWASHER.

"I will, GOD" he promised.

That night I arrived home after a 30 minute car ride with screaming Gigi (who refuses to nap). I stood again with a sad face in my kitchen looking at a sink full of dishes, holding screaming Gigi with a poopy diaper, with my lovey dog barking and jumping on my leg begging to give me kisses and be let out for a pee, my fat cat meowing and meowing for me to feed him, and in desperate need to pee myself.

What the fuck?

Hans arrived home and I asked him why he didn't do the dishes.

"I did." he said. "I filled it and then ran it."

"It was clean already," I said. "I asked you to empty it and fill it." (read- why are you incapable of listening?)
"But it was only half-full." he said.

"Yes, sometimes I run it half-full." I replied preparing myself for the haughty lecture I was about to receive for daring to run the dishwasher half-full.

"Debbie, that wastes water and electricity, we really shouldn't do that. I really wish you wouldn't do that, blah blah blah."

At this point, I stopped listening. I am not a moron, I don't throw money out the window, and if you have read any of my other posts, you know that I am very thoughtful about these things, ie, I would never use a paper towel willy nilly like Hans would. But Hans is "special" and his brain works in a very "special way".

I am a planner and I do things for a reason. When I run the dishwasher half-full it is because I am planning for what mess will be created throughout the rest of the day with dinner etc. and want to make it as easy as possible to go to bed with a clean kitchen. Knowing that Hans wouldn't shut his pie hole long enough for me to explain this, I decided on another plan. I create a flow chart mapping out the two scenarios for him to review to get a better understanding of how my brain works and how running the dish-washer half-full does not actually use more energy or water because I still only run it once a day, and it is actually in his best interest and good for our marriage.

After Gigi went to bed, I sat at my kitchen table with a sharpie and mapped out my chart showing both scenarios and the associated pros and cons.

I think it is pretty clear which scenario is the winner, and based on Hans' silence, chuckle and post review smooch, he agrees.

Today I get to run the dishwasher whenever I want to without any comments from the peanut gallery. Of course, I still can't get anyone to empty it.

Perhaps another chart is in order, one that shows a full dishwasher leads to castration?